Greedy Goblin

Thursday, June 11, 2009


Pugnacious Priest's post about funny achievements made me think. There should be failchievements for the M&S, so we could recognize them easily, before inviting any of them. I made up some ideas. Completely pointless, but hey, even a goblin can have some fun sometimes! (obviously at the expense of the M&S)

General playing
  • Careful spender: have Tundra Mammoth, Mechano Hog, or Red Drake, but miss enchants, gems or epic item in a slot where ilvl 200 BoE is available for your class/spec
  • Time manager: have Explorer, Ambassador or Bloodsail Admiral title but miss head or shoulder enchant or epic item in a slot where epic available from 5 mans or as reputation reward for your class/spec
  • Emblem or moronism: have Wooly Mammoth or a heirloom item for an alt, while you are missing an epic in a slot where it's available for Emblem of Heroism for your class/spec
  • It's your friends who tell who you really are: be a member of a guild with an application policy "/w me for inv"
  • God of PvE: Kill 1000 critters with single-target attacks
  • Larger than life: spend 1 hour blocking a mailbox or NPC with mammoth, kodo or enlarging consumables
  • Smaller than life: be the victim of Baby Spice while blocking a mailbox or NPC
  • Slacking day and night: have a lvl 80 character with one of his tradeskills below slvl 50 (except 2 hours after switching tradeskill)
  • Businessman of the year: Beg for gold in a capital city
  • Gentleman of the year: Open trade window in a capital city saying only "1G"
  • Mature players only: Write such a line in chat that get 90% of its words transformed into #@$ by the profanity filter
  • Nerf droods!: whine in /trade or /general that druids (or any other class) are overpowered
  • Blizzard hate my class: Recognize this universal truth and share it with the audience of /trade, /general or the gchat
  • He said, she said: /gquit or get /gkick from an otherwise progressing guild for pointless drama
  • He suck, she suck: be in a guild where people suck, comply about it and do nothing.
  • OMG I'm famous!: get in the's Guildwatch and brag about it
  • /ignore: complete all the failcheavements above

  • Lamest name evar: use your cooldowns to kill a mage called "Mirror Image" on a BG
  • God of PvP: Kill 100 enemy players 20 levels below you
  • Pride of the Horde/Alliance: Get "God of PvP" failchievement and brag about it on gchat
  • A-A-A-A-release spirit: be attacked in PvP from behind and be killed before being able to retaliate because you are turning with your keyboard
  • Don't cry for me Alterac: be banned for botting
  • Heaven is a place on Earth: constantly call Balinda Stoneheart "Belinda" in the /bg of AV
  • Charge for glory!: spam /bg "all charge Stormpike" when you are pushed back to Frostwolf GY or Frostwolf Keep (behind the bridge for alliance)"
  • Prepared for defense: come to 100 Alterac Valley match without having Frostwolf /Stormpike Insignia
  • Skip/take SH GY!: spend 5+ mins standing idle arguing on /bg for or against capping SH GY
  • Slayer of the Gulch: Get on the top of the damage chart of a 0:3 lost Warsong Gulch match without ever hitting the enemy flag carrier.
  • Master of the Eye: grab the flag in EoS when the opposing faction have all 4 towers.
  • Slayer of the Basin: deliver killing blow 2+ players in a row next to a flag ignoring the guy who successfully takes the flag 5 yards away from you
  • Die filthy rogue!: Backtrack and rotate a siege vehicle in SoA or WG trying to kill an enemy melee who is already on you
  • Explosives are for pussies: Participate in 100 SoA games without ever touching an explosive pack
  • Baywatch: kill 5+ players on the beach of SoA while the others are fighting by or behind the yellow gate
  • Just the two of us 800: get stuck below 800 arena rating during a whole season playing every week.
  • If only he wouldn't suck: get the previous failcheavement and blame it on your partner.
  • Resilience is futile: Buy a 700+ resilience character on Ebay and lose against a team in blue crafted PvP gear
  • PvE is for pussies, this is the real game!: complete all the failcheavements above

General group play
  • Die in a fire: self explanatory
  • Die in a fire - hard mode: die in a fire while a healer doing 3000+ HPS on you.
  • Just the one of us: be warlock, hunter, unholy DK or frost mage and do a bossfight without your pet
  • Master of aggro: lose aggro against a healer as tank
  • Hold aggro FFS!: have no points in your threat reducing talents, pull aggro and wipe the group while your aggro dump spell is not on CD
  • Heal FFS!: LoS the healer and stand in the fire
  • Dr Ross: be on healer spec and heal less than a ret/prot pala, shadow priest or other DPS/tank
  • Alice Cooper - Poison: perform zero cleansing/decurse/dispel during as healer in an encounter where it is needed and wipe the group by this
  • I'm not a healer FFS: perform zero cleansing/decurse/dispel in your whole life playing DPS
  • Decurse FFS: blame a player for not dispeling while his class cannot dispel that kind of debuff and yours can
  • Pala do your fckin job!: demand 2 blessings from one paladin (or two totems of the same school from one shaman or two curses from one warlock)
  • Drink up me 'arties: arrive to a raid with no flask, elixir or potion
  • Buff up: Hold up your raid for 10+ minutes by not buffing them, although you are the only one with that buff and they are spamming /rw
  • Master of martial arts: Ninja an epic item that you cannot equip
  • Red means bad: get "funny red man" icon after your first death in a raid or HC
  • Nerf repair: beg for gold for repair in a raid or HC
  • Pets before deaths: hold up a raid while selecting the proper non-combat pet
  • Mom said bring down the garbage: go AFK in a bossfight
  • It wasn't my fault: wipe the group and lie about it while the combat log clearly shows it was your fault
  • Elitist jerks: get "It wasn't my fault" and leave the raid after they disprove you
  • Min maxing is not everything: damage below the tank
  • Damage meter get bugged: came up with the lamest excuse after getting the previous achievement
  • Raptor strike FTW: run out of ammo in a bossfight as hunter
  • (Healing) Touch myself: spend your cooldowns healing yourself after getting cleaved, or standing in the fire
  • The lambs are silent: Break CC with AoE, wiping a raid or HC-5-man group
  • Thx drood: Die in 5 secs after receiving a combat res
  • Res me FFS: don't run in after a wipe
  • You are already alive?: get the previous achievement and hold up your group for 10+ mins after they have ressed you by being AFK
  • I play for fun: complete all the failcheavements above

T7 raiding
  • I have real life: Spend 10+ hours during a raid lockout in Naxxramas without downing Thaddeus or 4H.
  • Friends are more important than pixels: Be in a guild that cannot clean Naxxramas 10, although have 15+ lvl 80 since 5 weeks (and not an 1750+ PvP guild either)
  • Raiders have no life: Spend 20+ hours in a week in the game with a lvl 80 character without killing any boss in a raid including Archavon (and don't do any serious PvP either)
  • 3 days marathon for a pixel dragon? Ensidia is pathetic!: reach 30 days /played since WotLK release without killing Malygos (or reaching 1750 Arena Rating)
  • Tell it to my face, dragon!: get cleaved or fire/frost breathen by Sartharion or Sapphiron while the tank have not moved him in the last 20 secs
  • Eternal flame: die 10 times in a Flame Wave in a Sartharion+0 raid
  • Portals?: participate on 10 Sarth+0 Drake fights without getting into any portal without being drake tank or his healer
  • Vaultrobber: Wipe on Archavon
  • Set bonus bugged: Get the wrong T7 item for your token and open a GM ticket that you don't have the set bonus
  • I just don't have gear: Do less than 1500DPS on Patchwerk with average ilvl 190+ gear
  • Nerf slimes: die enough times on the green slimes to need repair
  • I do give a sh..!: Place green slime in the middle of the raid on Grobbulus fight
  • Zombie movies are so last year: Ignore Zombie Chews during decimate and wipe the raid
  • What is decimate?: Ask this question after getting the previous achievement
  • Killing blow: Kill one of the minibosses of Thaddeus on 3 consecutive times while the RL shouts "Stop DPS on him!"
  • I'm charged with responsibility!: Kill 5+ opposingly charged players on Thaddeus
  • Resistance is futile: Don't use resistance totem/aura in Sartharion or Sapphiron, while no one else uses it either and the group is not going for 100 cubs
  • Fleshdance: don't survive a single Heigan dance in 10 raids
  • FFS heal bugged!: Go to Loatheb as healer without having the slightest idea what's going on
  • Faerlina hard mode: kill all adds instantly after engaging Faerlina while the RL shouts "don't kill them"
  • Beaten by a gentle girl: wipe on Faerlina without anyone getting the previous failcheavement
  • Freeeedom!: be assigned on freeing trapped people on Maexxna and never do so
  • They are all the same: follow the wrong horseman, gathering 5+ from both debuffs
  • I love Blizzard: take 100K+ damage from blizzard in a single Sapphiron fight
  • Who is KT?: raid Naxxramas for 10 weeks without even seeing KT
  • 1-2-3-4-5?: go to a Malygos raid without having the slightest idea about P3
  • I'm not yet geared for Ulduar: complete all the failcheavements above.

T8 raiding
  • U=R*I: have zero DPS on overloaded adds while fighting Emalon
  • Easy rider: hold a 25 man raid for more than 10 minutes spamming "I want to ride chopper/demolisher/siege engine this time I need achievement"
  • OMG 180K crit!: damage Flame Leviathan while standing in one place. Can only be achieved after the emote "Flame Leviathan is following you".
  • Smoking a pot: be a healer on Ignis and have 0 heal on any of the people in the pot.
  • Light in your eyes: kill at least 3 raidmembers with a light bomb
  • Gravity of the situation: kill at least 3 raidmembers with a gravity bomb
  • Total eclipse of the heart: make zero damage on the heart of XT-002 when playing DPS or tank spec
  • Which is the right arm?: make 0 damage on the part of Kologarn the rest of the raid is damaging
  • Catfight: keep DPSing the Feral Defender after the RL called "everyone on boss now"
  • Ride the lightning!: interrupt 0 chain lightning of Stormcaller Brundir, while your class can interrupt and you are on him during 10 casts
  • Flashdance: die 5 times on Mimiron's land mines
  • Nerf them more!: die to the nerfed Mimiron missiles
  • I'm not herbalist FFS: ignore the flowers of Freya, damaging only her
  • I'm cool: during a single Hodir fight get zero fire buff and 3 freezes
  • The shame is on the RL who let me in!: complete all the failcheavements above
  • I have the nicest RL evar: complete the previous failcheavement and get into one more ulduar raid.

I have healthy lifestyle, proper real social life and play only for fun!: get all the failchievements above


LarĂ­sa said...

Hey there Gevlon! You shocked me a bit here with this sudden outburst of humor! I know you hate /well said comments, but I can't refrain from giving you some appreciation. Well executed! /cheers

Darraxus said...

Lol very nice.

:"Dr Ross: be on healer spec and heal less than a ret/prot pala, shadow priest or other DPS/tank"

I had this happen the other day when I outhealed two healers in naxx 10 on my Ret Paladin.

Morten said...

Resistance is futile: Don't use resistance totem/aura in Sartharion or Sapphiron,while no one else uses it either)

Its called the 100 club. :)

Darraxus said...

Here is another one for PVP:

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER: Get killed in PvP by a melee class and doing zero damage back, while you are slowly turning with your keyboard.

Nakrull said...

I have "Raiders have no life"
But that's because I PvP or work the auction house.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Daniel said...

I would add also:

Silent but deadly: Die in the cloud that Archvaron drops.

Silent but deadly - metal style: While tanking Archvaron don't move him at all away from the clouds, so none of your mdps can DPS.

I=UR - have zero DPS on overloaded adds while fighting Emalon

Freeeedom! - be assigned on freeing trapped people on Maexxena and never do so because it makes your recount suck. +10 achievement points if you let the MT healer die.

Shy said...

I think the only way to not get any of these is to level to 80 without running any instances, and only do the simplest quests.

Good luck trying to find those people ^_^

Lance said...

Loved the pop references:

Heaven is a place on Earth, Alice Cooper - Poison, Total eclipse of the heart, Flashdance & Fleshdance.

If only there would be an achievement from messing up blog-post replies...

Very enjoyable, indeed

Sanetha said...

Darraxus, it's pretty easy to be killed in pvp by a melee class without doing zero damage back: there's a class in WoW called rogues. : )

Anonymous said...

You forgot the number of points for each of these. Because achievement point totals matter.

And if they had points attached to them, people would get them.

Because sometimes, the insane title just isn't enough.

Aureon said...

"This place was too hot" don't stand ever near a fire on Hodir and get freezed by Flash Freeze three times in a row

"I'M DA WARRIOR!1" Charge a 25+ stacked Snaplasher, getting istantly one-shotted.

"One-Two-Tree-AOE" Costantly AOE the small flowers on Freya, making them explode all at once and wiping the raid

"Tunnelvision Xtreme" Do damage only to Freya during the whole encounter.

"YOU REALLY FAIL" Go near the melee group while being Eye-Beamed by Kalorgarn, die and get him saying at you "YOU FAIL".

"Mimiron Dancing Xtreme" during a single lockout period, die atleast three times in the following methods during the Mimiron encounter:
- get out of range of the healers during P1, and die by flames.
- Die to Shock Blast, as ranged.
- Die to Missiles, the nerfed ones.
- Die to Laser Barrage
- Death Grip a boombot without CDs popped and blame the healers

"I'm Da Ulduar PROZOR" ask what's an hard mode while pugging FL10

Martin said...

"God of PvE: Kill 1000 critters"

You'll actually find most warrior tanks with many more critter kills than that, as critters are used as free "rage potions". Charge and hit a critter, and the warrior has instantly 35 rage to use on a pull without having to blow any other cooldowns.

Anonymous said...

Slacking day and night: have a lvl 80 character with one of his tradeskills below slvl 50 for longer than a day
(added "for longer than a day" because sometimes people learn a new tradeskill)

Prepared for defense: come to 100 Alterac Valley match without having Frostwolf Insignia or Stormpike Insignia
(added "or Stormpike Insignia" because Alliance plays AV too)

Master of the Eye: grab the flag in EoS when the opposing faction have all 4 towers
(actually I believe its a viable tactic if your side can still win, you prevent them from getting flag-bonus)

Just the one of us: be warlock, hunter, unholy DK or frost mage and do a bossfight without your pet
(you know there are actually fights where its better to keep your hunter-pet by your side, speaking of
Heigan and KT with many melees)

Raiders have no life: Spend 20+ hours in a week in the game with a lvl 80 character without killing any boss in a raid ...
(I could spend 20+ hours farming reputation for a meaningless faction otherwise, actually that would earn me
"Overachievers have no life" ;)

Vyr said...

Just the one of us: be warlock, hunter, unholy DK or frost mage and do a bossfight without your pet
(you know there are actually fights where its better to keep your hunter-pet by your side, speaking of
Heigan and KT with many melees)

I play a lock and I have to say. No. if your pet is dying on Heigan, ask your tank to move further in with each flame wave so your pet doesnt get hit. Your pet by default will try to attack from the rear of the boss. By moving in deep enough, your pet will not get hit by the fire. As for KT. Melees or not have nothing to do with what your pet is doing. Your pet never gets the chained frost tombs. By not sending in your pet, you are losing 1k+ dps. Your pet will also never die on the KT fight, unless hit by the void. Most people have misconceptions. However, Sarth 3D is very pet unfriendly. But it is still very possible to use your pet and fight and keep it alive throughout.

Mookey said...

I don't recall I laughed so much soon...

Dunken said...

Check your statistics on combat and you'll find out that you have killed alot more than 1000 critters i guess, ;)
Fun reading tho :D

*vlad* said...

Very funny!
Let's see:
Die in a Fire. Check.
Just the One of Us. Check.
Thx Drood. Check.
Vaultrobber. Check.
God of PVE. Possibly, if counted from when I started playing WoW.

Damn, I'm too busy to failchieve all these! I have a life you know.

Barrista said...

Pala do your fcking job
could also include whining about not being buffed yet while the only paladin in the raid is drinking after rezing people. Or maybe that could be called "lazy pallies!"

And my original guild would have definitely gotten Who is KT?. They saw no problem in it taking about 3 months for us to get to KT. Why? Because they would wait till the raid was about to start to try to get food and flasks together which would set it back anywhere from 30 min to an hour. Maybe that should be an achievement as well.

Danae said...

Really funny post and I think that some of them should be implemented just as that Jenkins achievment which is M&S only too :D (especialy those who wear the title)

Anonymous said...

Question gevlon, are you clicker?

Jederus said...

OMG good one Gevlon. LAWL. Sadly, however, I think I may deserve a few of them myself.

seriouslycasual said...


However for it to really work the titles would need to stick to the player and not allowed to be removed.

One thing that WoW lacks is a standings setting for either individuals and/or guilds. If WoW had this, like EVE does, then you could simply set bad players/guilds to negative standings and put a note as to why.

Eventually you would weed out most of the bad players and always know who was terrible.

whatsmymain said...

Join any raid with any spec that has 71 points in a single tree.

I love the raptor strike one. I've never ran out of ammo on my hunter... but I have recount sitting in the spot where the paper doll shows the state of your gear. My gun broke during a loatheb fight and I was forced to melee.

Also last night I did 4k dps on emalon and realized my belt was broken afterwards lol.

Figworth said...

Some of these are pure genius.

Anonymous said...

I predict this will net you more new visitors than every other single posting before. It will be on and spammed in numerous guild chats. Well played, sir. Funny and still very goblinish, equals pure win.

Kristine said...

Ironically, if these were implemented we would see MORE of this kind of action.
Completing all those failchievements require as much dedication (as in planned playing) as many metaachievements.


Nice going still.

Anonymous said...


There is a simple fix to that:
Failchievements subtract from your achievement points.

rapidresponceunit said...

Here's a few that should be on..

Die during a boss encounter and demand a resurrection within 0.1 seconds after the boss is killed. Will not count if any manners are used.

Silly Pet Broke My Legs
Have your pet grab the aggro of a boss during a trash encounter and wipe the raid. After openly admitting it was your fault, be the only person to wait for a resurrection while the rest of the raid fly back to the instance. Achievement will only count if you chat idly in /raid while waiting.

Anonymous said...

They are all the same- I got this one a few weeks ago. Luckily I was in with a guild of people who played with me for a couple years.

So while they mocked me mercilessly and rightfully, it was done so with a bit of fondness and the understanding that I'm not usually a complete dumbass.

Anonymous said...

funny, some of these made me giggle out loud :)

Unfortunately, some of those achievements are impossible not to get if you pug a lot. Yes, I have wiped on Archavon. I've even hit enrage once. When you depend on 9/24 other people to do the job, no matter how competent you are, you just cannot carry them all.

Ponyboyy said...

You forgot one

Make Quick Werk Of US- Successfully pull Patchwerk, with half health, no off tanks and get 1 shotted, and say "Wtf? that was bugged."

Jeff said...

Every one gets one or two of these, Interstingly I play in a social/casual guild that has none of the raid failchievements. Of course our mantra is respect, we all have limited time to play so respect every one's schedule.

RyanC said...

Every time you amass 10 of these Fail-chievements, it teleports you to the Hall of Failure deep within Mount Hyjal.

Your character is now stuck there, and must form up a 5-man group with the other failures and defeat a boss that uses polarities, fire, novas, and needs interrupts.

If your group can defeat the boss, you may emerge from the Hall of Failure.

They have access to the mailbox, so people can send them things like flasks and potions, and they have their own auction house in the Hall of Failure, but unless they defeat the boss, they must stay there indefinitely.

My only real concern is that Mount Hyjal isn't big enough.

Anonymous said...

In BGs, mage mirror images all take the name of the mage. The only way one can tell them apart is that they are classed as "humanoid" instead of "mage".

Anonymous said...

[I'm charged with responsibility!] should not be required for the meta achievement. It is unreasonably difficult and I'd like to see it nerfed as soon as possible.

cloaknpoke said...

Larger than life: spend 1 hour blocking a mailbox or NPC with mammoth, kodo or enlarging consumables
Smaller than life: be the victim of Baby Spice while blocking a mailbox or NPC
I've had experience w/ this one, and actually found out this was what baby spice was put in game for. I've actually ran outa baby spice using it on players that do this.

This is my favorite post of yours to date good job on it.

Alfonsius said...

I love a lot of your posts, but this one really made me a good monday morning :-)

Ain't the any failchievement for being driver of a siege engine without interupting any cast on a FL fight?

TheReaper said...

After reading this I am so tempted to modify FailBot/Ensidia Fail to keep track of peoples fails and announce failchievements in /rw...

Anonymous said...

Dr Ross: be on healer spec and heal less than a ret/prot pala, shadow priest or other DPS/tank

This can happen quite often. It heavily depends on a fight. if you take a fight where everyone is often below 100% hp (hodir, saph, council etc) then rets are often on pair with raid healers and rest don't really stand a chance due to overheal and healing less targets. You can pin point this failchievement to many fights though.

ks said...

I'm not a healer FFS! is too easy to get if you're a rogue.

And I don't get why you consider 1750 arena rating to be OK? Is it because you're stuck at it? At least make it 1850, tier 1 arena weapons...

Mister K said...

All of these need to be put in the game now.

Anonymous said...

I've actually done the "Thx Drood" one on Kologarn, I rezzed right as the shockwave thing went out